Sexy Times- Totally Not Depressing…

It’s been a while since I’ve lived in a city that inspired me to get dolled up. In Miami, everyone is at 100%, 100% of the time. Even yoga pants are accompanied by contouring, wedged sneakers, and meticulously curated hairstyles.

I try and stick to my norm. I’m a minimalist when it comes to makeup. I enjoy playing dress up with the best of them, but it’s mostly on rare occasions. When I’m tired, I look fucking tired. And I guess I’m pretty tired a lot of the time.

I still manage to feel confident most of the time, but as I get older it becomes harder and harder to “compete,” not just with young people, but also with people my own age and older. It seems everyone I know has already started reversing the aging process with various tools, like Botox.

Before I get into it, I have absolutely nothing against Botox, or women who partake in Botox, or in any other “age-reversing” practice… or pretty much anything where help from a third party is involved. After all, something as simple as staying hydrated, or using certain skincare products, and generally taking care of oneself, similarly buys into the societal demand that women should look 13 forever! And the demands are even more difficult to adhere to, now that we must be on-camera ready every gaddamn waking second. I have no issues with these procedures, whether or not it’s right for me at this time or not. If I did have an issue with it I wouldn’t have any friends. Literally every woman I know age 30 and above has had botox or fillers or other fun shit like that.

Men, are you even aware of that? About 7.7 MILLION people (and over 90% of them are women) have had the botox procedure since 2018, according to plasticsurgery.org. Especially in Miami. The likelihood is, if you see an attractive woman over 25, she’s had work done. Did you know that? We try so hard to hide it, so perhaps not.

I’ve been on a journey to accept the aging process and to really examine the desire to look youthful forever. Getting Botox isn’t something I’m opposed to. (If I’m being realistic, it seems like a matter of… time…(see what I did there?)) I haven’t quite come to terms yet with paralyzing the muscles in my face. IDK. I’m a person who becomes emotionally attached to random things, like plants, or a car… so when it comes to my body I feel really sensitive about it. Like, I don’t want to paralyze my poor little face muscles because I love them and it’s not their fault I frown and raise my eyebrows and smile and get older. Why should they be paralyzed for it?!? But that’s my own hang up. I’m sure I’ll give in soon enough.

Botox is just an example… a somewhat (but not really at this point) extreme example of the lengths and expectation that (especially) women go to feel confident.

Even something as simple as wearing makeup has suddenly caused me feelings of confusion lately.

It started after a discussion with my beautiful, sexy, only semi-single now, Slovakian roommate. Whether it’s cultural, personal preference, or just her zodiac sign (Leo), she goes to the nines when getting ready to meet a potential match. (Sorry, matchmaker lang-o.) Every detail is accounted for, whether it’s her nails or her scent… there’s never a hair out of place! How tall the date is will decide which heels she wears, etc. It’s all thought out.

I’ve come to realize I have a pretty small rotation of date-outfits. I feel most comfortable when I’m wearing jeans and a black top. Or maybe a dress is fun, depending on the season. It’s very rare I spend more than 30 minutes getting ready, and if I look like I’m trying too hard I feel super uncomfortable.

Living with someone who has a drastically different thought-process when it comes to dating… or leaving the house in general… I couldn’t help wonder if I have it all wrong? The more I examine the differing perspectives on effort put forth, the more confused I become. As always.

Is the cavalier nature in which I approach dating indicative of how I will approach my relationships? Is dressing down signaling to a potential partner that I’m not going to go the extra mile to stay sexy and attractive for them? Or is it simply a difference in personality?

I was on a sort of date, sort of friend date with a guy I hung out with a few times. I thought I would get a man’s perspective on the matter. He said something along the lines of “Well, women don’t have to wear makeup, like, I don’t need them to wear makeup. I mean, like, yeah, women look better in makeup, but I don’t expect that of someone. It’s up to them.”

So. Sweet…. MFFFJKFDK&&&******LJKFKD.

(The next night he tried to kiss me for the first time while holding a bag of pooped in kitty litter after he used my restroom. It didn’t go so well.)

 I cling to the memories of my very handsome ex, when he would tell me that he loved the way I looked in a baggy t-shirt, my eye covers perched on my forehead, glasses, and like, whatever the opposite of makeup is. Dirt, I guess.

I reached out to a neutral third party, my adorably cute, happily married boss lady friend Felicia, and asked her about her relationship with makeup, and her relationship’s relationship with makeup. I love what she had to say, so I decided to share it here:

 “This is something I actually think of often: Do I wear makeup today or not?

I’ll start of with when Keith saw me without makeup. It was super early in our relationship. The first day we met actually, since we were on tour together and living together becaue of that. Since we weren’t dating I didn’t think anything of it.

After we started having sex I was a bit more conscious of it, but the first time he actually saw me without makeup after we started sleeping together, he looked at me and said, “Damn your beautiful.”

I said, “Nah, I’m not wearing any makeup!”

And he said, “That’s when you look the most beautiful.”  

Of course, it could have just been that he’s a sweet talker. But honestly, I didn’t care. 

Because still, to this day, when we sees me without makeup he stops in his tracks and looks at me and tells me I’m beautiful. And whether he means it or not, he does it and that means everything to me.

NOW FOR ME…. haha, I personally like to wear makeup and look cute for myself. Because when I think I look cute then it makes me feel cute. When I feel like I want to impress Keith, or when we are date night, or just when we are planning to have sex, (we don’t always plan, but sometimes we do just so we can dirty talk throughout the day,) then I wear makeup.  

I think makeup is for sure an indication that I feel good and that in turn pleases him.  And it’s for sure an indication that I’m more prone to Pleasing him *ahem* if you know what I mean. 

In general, I like to use makeup and get dressed up to look good for me and for him.”

Well you can’t argue with that adorable fucking anecdote and positive AF outlook.

Similar to Botox, I feel the conclusion is this: makeup or no makeup, botox or no botox, I would encourage people to examine the reason behind their choices. Find the positives and the negatives behind these choices, and use your findings to fine-tune your behaviors.

I’ll end with this: I use to be dreadfully disappointed in my appearance. From the time I was just 11 or 12, till about 22, I covered my face in makeup. Eyeliner was my drug. I put it on my upper lid, lower lid, inside and out, topped with mascara and shadow. It was like I was this teeny tiny, sweet little fair girl with fair curly hair and fair eyes- except for the raccoon circles of black.

I hated my face without makeup; I didn’t realize I only needed to get used to my face without it. I only needed to give myself time to get comfortable in my own skin and see the beauty in myself … in my imperfections (because there IS BEAUTY IN “IMPERFECTIONS,” because that’s what makes you UNIQUE!) But at that point in my life, I didn’t. And it pains me to look back on photos from those years… that I don’t have a single one of my natural, young face. (I should have listened to my mother!)

I suppose I can’t regret it because here I am… but surely if there was one thing in my life that I truly regret, it would be my inability to accept and love myself from such a young age.  

I don’t want to preach. Per my sun, ascending and moon sign and bla bla bla bla, I can apparently be too preachy, imparting my morals on other people. I feel very lucky because- fuck it- I know I’m a beautiful girl. I know I lucked out in the appearance department with certain things (even if I don’t always feel that way.) Although, I swear to you I got prettier when I FELT prettier. When I challenged myself to accept myself, unaltered and decided I would feel comfortable and confident even when I wasn’t.

I truly believe that confidence translated to, not only how I see myself, but how other people see me as well. And not everyone’s going to love you, anyway. K. The End. K. Bye.