Does Slow And Steady Actually Win The Race?
I enjoyed the fact that I could take my time and get to know him. There were no red flags to speak of- he was clear about what he wanted, but as we proceeded forward at a snail-like pace I wondered, does lack of electricity mean we’re incompatible?
Date One: Same Same, But Different
Dating the Music Producer has kind of been blowing my mind. I don’t know how to explain it exactly… things have been moving forward, but at a slow and steady pace. I’m attracted to him and excited to hang with him, yet my head is still attached to my shoulders and I’m not losing my mind. What is this?
Although our relationship has been starkly different from dating Mexico, who raised the stakes from the get-go when he mentioned he was moving, it didn’t seem so different at first. Mostly because within the first hour of meeting he disclosed that he didn’t even live here!
CLICK HERE to read what happened with Mexico.
My stomach dropped. Again?!? POR QUE?! Why was this guy wasting my time? Mexico was already way too fresh in my mind. (These dating apps must be good for something, right? Distract, distract, distract!)
Ask him what he’s looking for!!! My mind roared at me. Interrogate the mother f*cker! Make him pay with communication!!! But I resisted. I didn’t want to go down this road again, of prematurely having a conversation about something that may or may not be relevant to us. Fuck it. Just take note, and let it play out.
Then something very weird happened:
He offered the information I secretly was dying to know.
“I’m a relationship guy though,” he said. He wasn’t looking for a hook up, despite the fact that he was constantly traveling and prioritizing work. At this point, he spent most of his time in Miami and was thinking about moving here. As we well know, logistics don’t scare me if someone is willing to emotionally invest, and he seemed willing. (Cough, cough. Mexico.)
The second non-red flag came when he merely grazed over talking about his past relationship. He brought it up, not in fondness or great detail, but to highlight that constant travel and prioritizing work could indeed put strain on his relationships.
He was very practical about it all, and used tact in talking about his relationship history. I stifled my curiosity to inquire further, knowing how learning details of an ex can make me a little… erm… Cray cray.
CLICK HERE to read what I learned about talking too much about past relationships on dates.
The voice came up in my mind… the hundreds of questions that all began with “but what if…” but I stifled them. In part because he was coming across different than other men I had dated: honest, open and crystal clear about his intentions, should things naturally progress in that way. So I too wanted to approach things differently.
Date One: Continues With Gradual Excitement
The entire thing felt very normal. I found him attractive. He gave me reassurance that he found me attractive in the form of stating that he would like to continue our first date. So we headed to the beach.
It was a beautiful night. The moon was full. I sat close to him, imagined touching the tattoos on his arms, wondering if he would kiss me… especially during long pauses in our conversation.
Perhaps the possibility of a kiss made those long silences more purposeful (after all, we were still getting to know each other) instead of worrisome (or, fuck, is the lull in conversation because we don’t have anything to talk about?)
We ended the night at a decent hour. I was into him, but not so lost in our connection that I was willing to put off my own needs.
He gave me a warm hug and I could feel him shaking slightly which made me feel like he wanted to kiss me but didn’t. Or maybe he was just cold.
Date Two: Still Too Early To Tell
I was excited when he reached out the next day, but proceeded with a very level head. We had some things in common, but he talked mostly about work and himself. I couldn’t tell if it was due more to nerves or his ego. Maybe a healthy mix of both? He asked some logistical questions about my passions, but seemed uncertain about what to say or ask to get to know me on a deeper level. I didn’t take it as a red flag, per se, just something to keep an eye on and see if it gets better over time.
Date two was similar. We went to happy hour and then he came over and we had every intention of watching a horror movie, and we did for a bit until our make out session commenced.
It was nice. I liked the way his hands moved around my body. He softly grabbed all the right parts in the right ways and it definitely turned me on and had me wanting more. And more I did receive. :::toothy smile;;;
As our moment wound down, he smiled down on me and said, “You are so sexy.” Well gee, Mr. Thanks! ;;;extra toothy smile;;;
He left late into the night after we pillow talked for quite awhile. The conversation was a lot more equal and casual than when we were sitting across the table from one another. Perhaps we were becoming more comfortable with each other? Perhaps this is how things unfold when it’s all going according to… however the hell it’s supposed to go?
Does Slow And Steady Win The Race?
He texted the next day to reiterate that he had a great time. Then a day passed with silence and the following day I reached out to him, and he responded within a couple of hours, apologizing for his absence due to his crazy work schedule. Right away he expressed his intentions of seeing me again.
Luck had it that Biden won the presidency and Music Producer was available that night to celebrate. He wound up meeting me, my roommate and her two friends at a bar and, as my roommate put it, he sat, body and stare straight ahead (I was sitting next to him) and I confidently had my arm around him, body turned towards him, and was giving him my undivided attention. At this point I had just come to believe that Music Producer was shy or reserved.
It still is undetermined whether or not that is actually true.
We had sex that night, and again and again the next morning, and like our budding relationship, it was slow and cautious. Not the sex I fantasize about having, which often tends to be better in my head than in reality, but efficient sex. Sex that steadily lead to orgasms for everyone! Could this be indicative of the type of relationship we might have?
He slept over and made time for a quick coffee in the morning, but not enough time for a Benedict.
So… What’s Next?
Soooooo. This is different for me. Typically it’s the opposite. After date one I’m either giddy-in-like, losing my mind or…. over it. But with him, I feel very reserved.
So much so that I did not heard from him in three days… and then four and… and I’m not, like, losing my mind. I was expecting him to be extra busy with work, though admittedly I’m beginning to feel like I won’t hear from him again.
I feel a bit rejected and confused and a bit sad. I’m looking back and wondering, without knowing him that well, what aspect of my behavior might have put him off? Was it the latest Insta post I showed him about my pussy feeling patriotic? Did my facial expression give away my sadness when he told me he wouldn’t be staying for eggs benny?
You know what though? It’s all good, because I haven’t lost my head. My world isn’t suddenly falling apart. Maybe that’s the difference between red flags and incompatibility.
We got to know each other a reasonable amount, slowly and steadily, before jumping to any conclusions about whether our futures would align.
We didn’t talk about ex’s. I wasn’t fretting about his decision to move here. I was focused on nothing but how I felt around him. Some things made me feel good! I loved how clear he was with both his words and actions about his continued interest in getting to know me. I didn’t have to waste time fretting or decoding texts.
Other things made me wonder if it wasn’t best to walk away. After three dates, I wondered what we really knew about each other… I wondered what he saw in me, as I don’t really feel like he was even starting to crack the surface of who I am. The conversations had remained mostly about him and his accomplishments and often times I felt like I had nothing to say, which… I always have something to say! The sex felt good, but I wasn’t burning with desire to be with him.
Is this normal? Is this how it should feel after three dates? Safe but unsure?
It would be a pleasure to keep getting to know Music Producer, and yet days pass and my phone keeps silent and I’m not falling apart.
That’s a good sign. Right…?
