“Shira, Are You Okay?” The Holiday Edition: Part One
Guys. And Women. I have learned so much just in the past two weeks, having re-launched my blog. Okay, maybe re-launch is a fancy word for me taking a long break, being lazy, and stressing myself out to catastrophic degrees, which naturally led to major procrastination.
I mean, honestly, it’s not all like that. Of course I was also learning new things that I truly, honestly believed I would need to know in order to re-launch this blog. Like, I thought I should probably become an SEO master, so my blog can “perform well in the Google search engine.” As if.
I learned all about branding. I made an image board. I made a color palette! I found my vibe (even if I haven’t mastered it yet.) I found the apps where I can design my content easily. I created content pillars. I tried to discover a “formula” for my writing…
and, eventually I wrote. I wrote about the experiences I was going through with dating again. I went after the goal of balancing my personal anecdotes with helpful takeaways.
Of course, for the most part I had to throw everything else out the window so I could actually begin. Because ultimately, I knew I was holding myself back by overthinking everything, and that the real lessons I needed to learn would come only after posting.
And I have. Here’s a bit of what the past two weeks have taught me.
Not everyone’s going to want to be blogged about!
Surprise! I guess to a degree I freakin knew this, but I’ve had so many assholes suggest to me that they WANTED to be blogged about. I forgot to take into consideration people who really are shy.
It’s all anonymous, so it’s not as though I’m throwing someone under the bus, but it doesn’t always matter. And, in the case that I do seriously date any of these people, there needs to be an understanding from the beginning of the possibility of aspects of our relationship being on display. I did not do a great job about disclosing that, because I honestly wasn’t sure just how personal it would get.
I have realized I need to be extra cautious when writing about my experience with another person, to make sure I’m telling MY story and not theirs.
How this may alter my actual dating life!
If someone doesn’t want to be written about, is that actually a deal breaker? Do I alter my content and shift directions?
So, on first dates, instead of asking questions like, “So, where are you from? Do you have any siblings?” I get to ask questions like, “So, how do you feel about being blogged about? Is it cool if I talk about you in my Insta story? How about if I screenshot our texts and post them across all platforms?” What fun!
Speaking of, do I let them follow me on social media, or try and keep everything “hidden” for as long as possible? Dating is already such a challenge… but, yeah, let’s throw it all on social media! That’ll make things easier! Oy.
Sometimes when people read my posts they worry about me!
Which makes me feel… so… good… ha. This can be especially tough, as it’s not always clear about whether it’s an indication that they don’t like my post, or whether they’re concerned about the behavior that I exhibit within my content. Typically, it’s the behavior. Few!
Oh wait. Did I just admit that I’d rather have someone be appalled by my behavior than my writing? Hmm.
While I try and be as transparent as possible when writing my content, I am typically narrowing in on one aspect of a relationship, or situation. Sometimes it is my own unfortunate behavior (or the inner workings of my mind) that I’m focusing on. If I’m writing about it, it’s likely because I’ve learned something from it.
It’s actually really fucking hard to put myself out there!
I wasn’t expecting this go around to be significantly different than the articles I’ve written in the past, but for some reason I feel WAY more vulnerable.
Before, I was living in retrospect. A lot of my content came from reflection. I wasn’t actively dating because I was still living with my parents. I didn’t realize how drastically different it would feel dating again.
The goal of my blog has always been to empower people in love and sex and all that gooood shit. But now that I’m actually dating, it’s tough to maintain a positive, confident attitude (and really easy to have a desperate and insecure attitude.) There are so many ups and downs, and old habits die hard.
Add the element of putting it all on video or in writing, it requires a hell of a lot more vulnerability. It often feels like I’m fucking up, then deliberately asking everyone to see my fuck ups and judge me- not JUST on the fuck ups, but on my choice to display them as well.
I learned to push through!
Even when I’m not sure… even when I’m terrified that I’m getting it all wrong. It’s only been two weeks and I’ve literally never felt the urge to fall off the face of the earth so greatly.
“What if I just abandoned this? What if I just shut down social media accounts and go into hiding?” These are thoughts that come up… erm… daily.
But, you know. No. I shan’t. No matter how scattered I may feel, no matter how much I worry that this entire thing is going to be a debacle… I’m still going to keep going. I’m learning, slowly, sure, but I’m learning that failing isn’t actually the worst thing in the world. I can just try something different. And fuck it. I’m certainly not perfect.
I actually am pretty brave!
I’m going to keep putting myself out there no matter how uncomfortable it feels. I might change and shift, but I won’t give up. This goes for my dating life as well as for my blog/creative endeavors.
C U NEXT TUESDAY for more behind the scene snippets in my Holiday Edition Part Two!
And Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
