“Shira, Are You Okay?” Holiday Edition: Part Two
Continuing with behind-the-scenes before launching back into the never-ending dating mishaps. Here are some snippets of the ups and downs that have crept into the last month or so of 2020.
I got fired
I was going through a typical crippling spout of indecision (where I lean far too heavily on friends and family for advice) trying to negotiate my work-around-the-clock-with-monster-children-for-6-days/nights-over-Christmas rate. Finally FINALLY I found the courage to silence the differing perspectives of my peanut gallery and speak MY truth, and put my foot down, for better or for worse, and…
I got fired.
So for better.
The great news is I have two exciting new jobs lined up for the New Year!
(Decisions, decisions!)
I released a blog post
Two days after getting fired I wanted to wallow and nothing else. Because waaaahhhhhhhhhhh, getting fired fucking blows, but I was determined not to let the feeling of wrongdoing linger.
Plus, I had been called out for holding myself back. I was in danger yet again of overthinking everything and letting it stifle my productivity.
I posted, you read, I danced, (some of) you laughed, I felt happy.
Boy I adored put a pin in communication
Womp womp. He read an upcoming post (about him) and wasn’t thrilled about being blogged about. Didn’t say “no,” just didn’t like it much.
Fuck! I’m doing it again. Sorry. Again. Womp. (Also, there’s just onnneeeee moorrreeeeee posttttttt coming up that was written awhile back… so…)
This crushed me a bit, not just because of boy but also because it made me feel like my posts were somehow dirty, even though it’s just a personal preference. Can’t win em all. (Or any of them, apparently…)
To be fair, at this point it felt like someone could have flicked me and my entire being would unravel.
I released the blog post about said boy
I had been quite excited about releasing that post because it meant a lot to me, but after everything was said and done it just didn’t feel great. It was met with mixed feedback, including concerned advice from my sister, and a “you’re better than this” from… my ex’s mom. HAHAHAHA… le sigh.
Almost wrapping up this chapter, but my stories are a bit delayed.
Meteor shower with mom
I went home under the guise of Hanukkah, but really needed to be taken out of my Miami world for a moment.
My mom told me about a meteor shower peeking that night, and we drove to an empty parking lot down the street. All the lights were off except for a TV inside that had on a screensaver of a burning fireplace. Also Christmas music played through the outdoor speakers… for no one.
After the initial “holy shit this is definitely the beginning of a horror movie” dread wore off, we hoisted ourselves onto the hood of the car and stargazed.
Bliss.
Went on a first date with disclosure
I learned my lesson and mentioned on date one the real possibility of him being blogged about. He was fine with it.
Still debated ethics on posting an Instagram story about said date
The story was about an uncomfortable first kiss and I debated whether there was a moral issue with this kind of exposure. He was comfortable with being blogged about, but what about other forms of social media? I hadn’t asked him about that… fuck.
Added it to my to-do list.
Got good news about my pilot script
That’s all I’ll say for now…
Started stand-up
Because why not make myself even more vulnerable and throw more terrifying shit on my plate?!?
Honestly, as a person who HATES and FEARS failing, falling, looking stupid and not being perfect more than anything else (besides knowing that one day my parents won’t exist on this earth) there really couldn’t be a more important challenge for me to go through.
Eventually, I will give no fucks. I swear to it.
All throughout, two awkward dates with a really fucking hot girl
I’ve been with other women, but she is by far more attractive and my type than ladies I’ve hooked up with in the past.
Our first date, which was days after getting fired, and hours after an emotionally taxing conversation, I honestly felt like I was going to pass out on the Uber ride over (I also forgot to eat.) I spent the first 30 minutes or so just trying to stay conscious and keep my nerves in tact until I got some food and remembered that I’m pretty good at hiding my internal storms. I calmed down a bit and we laughed a lot.
We met up once more… but I’m definitely not as confident and present as I need to be to take this leap.
I’m hoping to pick this up after the New Year, when all of the Holy Fuck new experiences/rejections/excitement calms down a bit.
—
I’m stoked for 2021, and not just because it isn’t 2020 (but also that.) Between downtime in quarantine, my family being so close, and beginning so many amazing new experiences, I feel like the transition to the New Year will be the equal sign and 2021, an answer to the equation.
So I’ll sum up the year with this: I am more than how I make money. My instincts aren’t broken. Avoiding failure is not the most important thing. Only I know what’s the best for me. I have the most amazing support group of friends and family ever and they keep me grounded to this earth.
And I’m ready. Dragon Yoda 2021, baby!!!!!!
