The Airbnb From Hell… Or Wait, Was It Heaven?
I am pretty much the most indecisive person you will ever meet. I am a nightmare customer at a restaurant (although I tip well, so maybe not) because I sit there and go back and forth until I regrettably offer my final choice. The positive side to that, though, is that I usually spend a lot of time researching, optimizing my chances of finding the best options when it comes to food, activities and, of course, accommodations.
This was true for my recent trip to California, where my boyfriend-ish and I wanted to spend some quality time together for four days before my best friend’s wedding in Redwood City Park (near Oakland.) My friends were getting married on my birthday, so I wanted to make sure I picked great places that would guarantee an amazing trip.
As per usual, in a case like this, accommodations are the first box to check (after flights.) I like to turn to Airbnb. Hotels can be great depending on the circumstances, but Airbnb’s seem to be particularly worthwhile when you want to feel like lounging around the apartment/house is an activity all on it’s own. I always appreciate the unique settings that Airbnb’s are often located in, and getting a first hand look at funky architecture and aesthetically stimulating décor. For me, picking out a place on Airbnb is the equivalent of letting a kid loose in a (very expensive) candy store.
After sorting through dozens of places in several different areas, I could already feel my brain becoming jumbled with all the different options. Where would we go? There were lots of places to stay in Joshua Tree for cheap that had hot tubs and were optimal for star gazing, but that would require driving several hours out of our way. There were great places near Big Sur, but they were typically more expensive. I began to narrow down based on the specific activities we wanted to do, while factoring in our (or “my,” since my picky non-boyfriend would not be helping at all with the planning and would be grumpy any time I asked his opinion) priorities and values.
I narrowed our desired time spent down to (1) wine tasting, (2) hot tub time, (3) sex, (4) red woods, and (5) stargazing. Not a bad jumping off point, if you ask me!
I dove back into my research, zeroing in on places that were near enough to the wedding, and decided on Napa Region. There were two exciting places that I found that were still available a little over a month in advance. One was in Occidental and one in Calistoga. They were each more than I wanted to spend, mostly because Airbnb does a crap job at displaying the honest, total price per night up front (watch out for that if you’re hunting for places) however, they were at the very tippy top of our budget and by that time I had fallen in love and wanted to make them work.
The Occidental rental was nestled in a redwoods forest. It was a small, half house and half RV on a “secluded” property in the middle of nowhere. They showed pictures of a hot tub hanging off the wooden back deck, barely separated from the tall, beautiful trees. They advertised a detached little shack with one of those workout swings hanging from the ceiling and a TV inside. It showed tons of pictures of the landscape, boasted several walking trails and it looked PERFECT for us, being completely remote… it would almost be like our own, private campsite. Even the shower looked incredible. It was a big, open space with large glass windows overlooking the woods outside. My only concern was the size of the bed being a little small, but SO said he’d be okay with that.
You can imagine our surprise when we pulled in and immediately realized that there was another (giant) house nearby on the property (which is where the Jacuzzi actually was) and we could hear multiple people inside, talking, watching TV, a dog was barking, etc. Besides that, there was another, smaller house that was also an Airbnb rental. The property was pretty secluded, sure, but it was the opposite of private. During our two nights there, we came face to face with 4 different people walking around the property, not to mention the dog started to yip whenever we went to the hot tub. It was extremely difficult to adjust my mindset. After all, seclusion and privacy were the very reasons why we shelled out for the space.
It was because of the word “secluded” written multiple times in the ad that I figured it would be the perfect place for us to spend a day having sex, so the plan became just that. We would get in late the night before, after a day of driving, pass out early, then the next day we wouldn’t leave the property. We literally wanted to practice sex! I would spend the day running around naked in fairyland in between spanking sessions and dirty talk and it would be a dream come true!
Despite our entire plan having pretty much gone to shit, there were some incredible perks that kinda/sorta/mostly made up for it.
For example, the place really was like a fairyland. There were vibrantly colored flowers growing wildly in the yard, and the redwoods were giant and spectacular. They had a Zen garden, which we were obsessed with, and within the clearing of a patch of redwoods, there was a heart shaped shrine that looked like it could be a wedding alter, just underneath two tall redwoods that connected at the trunk. There were multiple paths and trails to explore, each offering artistically made benches or chairs where you could sit in the shade or sun and watch and listen to the wildlife and nature all around. It was an all-encompassing beauty I wanted to be further submerged in!
It was truly magical, and for anyone who wasn’t planning on having sex all day and night, I would greatly recommend it, but after having our sexpectations shattered, the only shouting that we were worried about them hearing was from us fighting and letting out our frustration. (We did utilize that shower, though.)
The Calistoga Airbnb was a similar experience. It was right near wine country. The big appeal of this place was that it was on a mountaintop in the countryside, and there was a hot tub with a view of rolling hills where the sun would set. We were forewarned that this property was not private (hence wanting to take advantage of the seclusion of our first rental) but we were really looking forward to that sunset.
On day one, we made sure to get back to the Airbnb with plenty of time to catch it. Unfortunately, the weather was a lot hotter than we were expecting, but a little heat couldn’t take us away from our plan. We suited up and excitedly made our way into the hot tub.
Unfortunately, there was no wind that day. Because of that, plus the heat, as soon as we opened up the hot tub and got in bugs surrounded us.
I don’t mean bugs like, there were annoying mosquitos here and there… I mean like, I’m from Florida and I have never seen this many bugs surrounding me before. Within minutes, I was bitten several times. Small moth-like creatures were literally bouncing off my skin to their deaths in the water, dozens within just a couple of minutes. Determined not to miss it, we maybe lasted 5 or 6 minutes in bug hell before we gave up and rushed into the extremely mediocre, barebones rental and longingly gazed out window to catch the rest of the view.
I was pretty livid this time, as both of these Airbnb’s main appeal did not wind up panning out. The entire reason we paid what we did was for that hot tub sunset view, and instead, bugs ate us.
In the same way as the Redwoods rental, there was just enough to make up for the initial let down… we got a great night of stargazing in- I haven’t seen stars like that in a long time! And on the second night, there was just enough wind after sunset to enjoy an aw-inspiring view of dusk from the not as hot hot tub.
It’s hard to tell whether I would book the same Airbnb’s again, knowing what I learned about each of them. They each had profound positive aspects, despite their shortcomings, and the experiences were certainly unique. Airbnb offers experiences that would mostly be unobtainable otherwise, so there’s definitely something special about that.
The biggest take away for me was that you should always expect your rental to completely different than what you thought it was going to be, and know that you won’t always know how. Make sure you’re comfortable with that before you decide to spend the money.
In the meantime, I will make sure to do more research next time.
