Opening Our Minds (and Legs) to De-Stigmatizing Sex Work
I was absolutely thrilled to get so much feedback from my last post about sex workers. The responses I received were very thoughtful and made me realize I am far from finished with this topic, and it has inspired me to conduct more research and continue to post about why I feel de-stigmatizing sex work is so important!
SESTA-FOSTA
One of the (many) reasons I feel that now is the time to re-think how we look at sex work is because of a new law that has taken affect in the last year that greatly effects their rights and most importantly, their safety. This law is known as SESTA-FOSTA and was signed into law on April 11th, 2018 by Mr. Dumbfuck #notmypresident. The intention of the law is to fight against online sex trafficking by holding the owners of online platforms which “promote and facilitate prostitution” accountable for possibly harboring sex traffickers.
Of course, this sounds like a good thing but not only does it infringe on our right to free speech, worse, it works against the goal of punishing sex traffickers and abusers. Organizations that fight against sex trafficking have actually benefited from using such websites that exhibit “lawless behavior” (like backpage.com, which was a resource for sex workers) as a way of catching those involved in sex trafficking.
Alexandra F. Levy, an adjunct professor of human trafficking & human markets at Notre Dame Law School says “It’s in that light that multitudes of organizations and people have taken proactive steps to usher victims to safety and apprehend their abusers.”
The law does exactly the opposite of what it promises.
Besides it working against itself, the effect the law has on consensual sex work is extremely negative. Shutting down these websites further isolates those who work in the sex industry, and disables them from advertising and screening clients. Because of this, sex workers have lost job stability and are being forced into more vulnerable and riskier positions, like going back to the streets, or having a pimp.
Who Are Sex Workers?
Let’s start with the basics. A sex worker can be defined as person who exchanges sexual services for money or goods. Services can include things like companionship, intimacy, nonsexual role playing, dancing, escorting and stripping. It’s a wide range, which can get a little convoluted, so for the purpose of this article I will primarily be referring mostly to those who provide in-person encounters that end in sex.
I also want to note that I am talking about CONSENSUAL sex work. I consider anybody who is coerced, threatened, or forced into sex work a victim of sex trafficking, which I am certainly not promoting or referring to in any capacity when I speak of positive aspects about sex work.
I want to also add that, although some sex workers resort to sex work, or are drawn to sex work because of a history of sexual assault, does not mean that they work against their will and should not be victimized anymore than you would victimize a bitter waitress at your local diner. In fact, in some cases those who have suffered through sexual assault found sex work to be empowering.
The point is, as long as they have choices, how they fell into their line of work is nobody’s business but their own. If you really want to know more, then hire a sex worker and get to know them!
To expand just a little bit further on that point, it holds true that de-stigmatizing sex work and workers, and holding them in the same regard that you would any other professional by treating them with respect would only benefit them, including those who chose sex work as a last resort.
In the way that I speak about sex work, I am thinking in terms of best case scenarios, and this includes living in a sex-positive society which expands sex worker’s rights so they would have access to things like healthcare, and a platform in which they could screen clients, discuss and avoid abusive clients and advertise their work.
While we’re talking about who’s who, there is always a risk around who the client is, but it should be noted that the majority of the time it’s your average working professional just looking for fun and intimacy in a new way. After all, it’s a worldwide business that generates about $104 billion a year!
Now, let’s get to the fun stuff!
I mentioned in my last article that sex workers could help with feelings of loneliness! I still agree with this sentiment whole heartedly, though I do want to amend that I don’t believe sex work is the only or the best way to “cure” loneliness… however, I do think it is a viable, fun, and rewarding option if you’re lacking intimacy, that can strengthen your confidence and even encourage you to seek other outlets for comfort and healing.
Still, this is not the only way in which sex workers can provide goodness in the world.
After doing some digging, and reading through multiple interviews with sex workers and clients alike, I’ve found that there’s many different ways that sex workers can bring satisfaction to single people, or even those in relationships.
Here are some of my favorite reasons why someone might want to hire a sex worker.
It’s just SEX!
And sometimes, that’s really all you need. I’m sure many people can summon to mind a time when they had sex with someone and it was just sex but the intimacy gave them hope that something more would develop, only to be crushed and disappointed. In other words, sex can complicate things!!! It’s happened to me about one billion trillion times.
If you want sex, sex and ONLY sex, sure you can use Bumble or go to the bar to try and score. Good luck! It might work, it might not, and if it does work, it might get complicated, but if you just PAY someone (who very much wants to be paid to fuck you) then the possibility of things getting complicated are much less likely, and because you’re hiring a professional the chances are that it will be fun and exciting sex each time.
Everybody knows from the get go that this is a monetary exchange, so you can have guilt free sex without worrying about what happens after.
No-strings-attached sex can also benefit couples who are looking to spice up their sex lives. Lots of times, couples are interested in inviting a third party. I know for me, when I think of the notion of inviting somebody else into an intimate situation with me and my SO, I get on edge about the possibility of an emotional attachment between my partner and the other person, and that my jealousy will be too much to bear.
It would be sad if that fear forever prevented us from engaging in new, erotic experiences and with sex workers, you don’t have to miss out! Paying a professional to aid in the experience (1) takes the awkwardness out of asking a friend, (2) takes the pressure off my partner or I from having to run the show, (3) lessens the chance of feeling jealous that my partner will develop lasting feelings and (4) will give the lesbians who are on dating apps a break from having to decline one million threesome offers!
Going one step further than that, in long term monogamous relationships it can be true that one person’s desire for sex fades, or takes a hiatus, while the other partner’s desires are still robust. When this is the case it can lead the partner with the higher sex drive feeling like the need to seek satisfaction elsewhere, or leave in order to fill their needs.
I suppose you know where I’m going with this, which is that sex-workers are a great option if you and your partner have differing sex drives because they can satisfy someone’s sexual needs with less risk of ruining a relationship.
The reality is that if you’re not hindering your partner’s natural desire for sex, and you want them to experience pleasure because you love them, you’re decreasing the chances of them feeling like they need to end or escape the relationship in order to get what they need/want, and you’re actually increasing opportunities of love and connection within your relationship.
Now, let me pause to say that I am 100% against sneaking around, lying and cheating when you’re in a committed monogamous relationship! When I talk about using a sex worker outside of a marriage I am only saying so assuming and hoping that both people in the relationship have discussed, and come to an agreement that their circumstances are such that hiring a sex worker would benefit them.
To really get into this, I would need to get a lot more into the concept of open relationships, which I will do in future articles.
Hands On Sex Education!
If you have a kink or a fetish that you want to explore but aren’t sure how or who you can explore with, hiring a sex worker is the perfect way to gain knowledge and obtain satisfaction.
Some examples of this would be hiring a sugar baby, a dominatrix, someone to assist with BDMS, someone who engages in a specific type of role-play… the list goes on and on.
As a person who has been reasonably vanilla when it comes to sex, I can vouch that when new fantasies creep into my mind that are outside the box, it can be daunting, if not downright scary, to think about putting them into action. Sure, I can always research it online (for now, anyway) but let’s be honest… with sex especially, it’s difficult to take something from the page and implement it in real life.
This is true with couples, too! Hiring someone is a fun, sexy way to learn new moves in the context of a relationship, or simply mastering the moves you already use! If you and your partner want to try something new and adventurous, a sex worker can help you bring it to fruition safely.
I was also surprised to see through my research that a not so uncommon reason why someone might hire a sex worker is because they have a disability, or some feature that might make it more difficult for them to have a sexual encounter. Those with physically handicaps might benefit from having a professional teach some new ways to make sex possible, and more satisfying.
In The End
I believe that sex work is stigmatized because we live in an inherently sex-negative culture. But sex work is one of the oldest professions and that’s because sex is as natural of a desire as eating chocolate (only better for you!)
If we can stop treating this industry like it is something to apologize for or feel shameful about, then maybe we can stop feeling shameful about our own sexual desires, too.
We might even look at sex as the beautiful, empowering, natural phenomenon that it is.
Imagine that!
