Dating Advice: What is the most common red flag at the beginning of a relationship that people ignore?
This is an almost comical observation to zero-in on because people so adamantly ignore obvious red flags in the beginning of relationships. When all the issues finally explode they say, “how was I supposed to know?” Hopefully at this point, a movie plays in their head of all the signs that they made excuses for, or tried to will away.
Anywayyyyyy, below are some common red flags:
Unavailability:
They don’t prioritize you– not to be confused with a normal amount of unavailability, because maintaining a healthy distance especially at the beginning of a relationship shows that they want to get to know you and that they have their own life to maintain- but if they’re never or barely ever willing to prioritize you, and after a week of working 24–7, just want to get drinks with “the boys” or they have some event they don’t want to invite you to…. then slowly but surely back away.
They’ve shared that they’re “unavailable” or not ready/looking for a relationship – How we love to ignore when someone tells us this. “But if they meet the right person (ME) they will change their mind!” Yeah, no. If someone tells you they’re not ready (which could come in the form of saying they’re depressed, an alcoholic, recently divorced, living at home, etc.) LISTEN.
I’ll stop there, since you’ve only asked for one.
About red flags in general, they’re pretty easy to spot when you’re being realistic and honest with yourself. It’s making the choice to ignore them and be hopeful that something will change that gets people into trouble.
Last thoughts: In a new relationship, you might have to spend some time differentiating deal breakers from compromises. For instance, if you wanted a partner who cooks, and your partner burns a can of soup, that might not be a red flag; just an adjustment of your expectations that you’re willing to put up with to be with that person.
